Separately Disliked

I have a good life; loving wife, great kids, incredible job, good friends, and each day starts with smile.

Yet, at this moment, I’m tired. I’m tired of the distance between my loving wife and great kids.

You see, I’ve two families. One in Taiwan and another in the United States.

And only twice in the past few years have they crossed paths. Only once in that same time were they together as a whole.

It’s not feasible for us all to live together. My wife’s youngest is still in school here. My kids are still in school there.

So here I am, on day two of another halfway-around-the-world trip to be with my kids in the United States. While I’m very blessed to have the means and support to travel as I do, I’m tired of it.

The people I love most live on opposite sides of the earth. Traveling every few months and staying for a few weeks each time sounds great.

And for a couple of years, it was. Four years later, it’s tough on the mind, body, and soul.

Mentally, I’m torn between a preferred lifestyle and love.

I thought turning 40 was rough with slowing down. At 50, I’m slow and don’t go any faster. Therefore, I’m stretched physically for what I can endure, traveling more than a day each way.

On landing for my last flight back to Taiwan, I was surprised and pleased to find myself able to stand up as my lower body felt so locked in place.

Sure, moving around helps. Yet airlines keep that fasten seat belt sign on more often and for longer. So aisle walks are lessening.

Combining the mental anguish and physical pain leaves my soul wondering if it is in the right place, doing the right thing.

During an early December student-led parent-teacher conference, my eldest mentioned that the person they admired most was me. (The session was at 1 AM, and I attended by video.)

Hearing that made me cry because I didn’t feel I deserved that recognition.

I constantly feel sad that I can’t be as present with my kids as I desire. Yet, stepping back, given what Drusus says, I must be doing something right.

So, while I dislike the ocean-spanning distance between my families and despise my flying bus journeys, I’m grateful that I’m connecting with my kids the best I can.

For those finding themselves unable to do as much as you would like for others, share with them what you are going through. To help them understand that you are doing your best.

And while it might not feel enough, be there for their calls, to play online games, to cheer them on through a recorded violin recital, or send updates via FaceTime.

That’s the hard lesson I’m going through; while I might feel my best is not good enough, it is to the people that matter. And it probably is true for your efforts too.